SAFETY

Safety has been an ever-shifting entity in my life. What may have felt safe in any given moment shifted when I entered a new level and understanding of the meaning of safety.

If I look at safety in terms of the waters surrounding me, I was not aware cognitively that the choppy waters of my life indicated that I was not safe. I just did not know. I had a difficult time to connect the dots. I had a difficult time to experience life with a past, a present and a future. It all got lost in my marble world (prior post) so I could survive what was in any given moment. So, I could survive the beautiful moments of life and the not so beautiful moments.

The waters I grew up in skewed my thinking. I was introduced to many things at the wrong time in my life, by the wrong people, for the wrong reasons. I was also privileged to meet many healthy people at the right time in my life, for the right reasons.

Going to see Dr. Wilson was both a mind-fuck and mind blowing. I had the opportunity to reflect on safety in terms of my physical safety, emotional safety, and financial safety. Both in the present moment and throughout my life. It was a journey. It was painful. It was also worth every moment of painful growth.

The journey with Dr. Wilson included a tribe of fellow folks on the voyage of mattering. We depended on one another to reinforce all the learnings and to hold our heads above water. It was challenging as we navigated the waters influenced by the hurricanes of our lives. I continue to partake in group with Dr. Wilson and take breaks from the work as I see fit. I continue to be surrounded by people who speak the language. So, if I need a tune up. I know where to reach out.

I grew up in an environment where I believed we were financially secure. However, I have no idea what my parent's financial struggles really were. When I left home and went to university, I had many moments of financial insecurity and at one point I lived homeless for a few months between the end of May and the beginning of September. I did not grow up understanding financial literacy. However, I am forever grateful for both my experience of being homeless (as that was not something I ever wanted nor want to repeat) and to my mother in-law for teaching me many skills in this area. Helping me to prioritize saving for a future life I could not imagine. The future which is my wonderful present.

I grew up in an environment and lived most of my life in the context of not experiencing emotional safety. It would take me a long time to learn "I mattered" and that my needs were just as important as others. That not getting my needs met was fuel to the ever-present anger deep within my being. I am also grateful I learned I matter, and I now am surrounded by people whom I feel equal to. Even people who earlier in my life I did not feel equal to. I have negotiated within my being new ground and now build new relationships based on this new ground upon which I walk.

I have not always been physically safe. I grew up in a world where boundaries were violated. Where I witnessed boundary violations, and I did not know where you started, and I ended. The world of boundaries is a topic for another time. I have not always known how to keep myself physically safe. It is a skill and a knowing that I now have.

It took a village to help me learn all the skills necessary to have safety on all three levels. A team of many people over the years. It also took my tribe of closest friends and family to reinforce my learning, to hold me with compassion as I moved back and forth between my living a life of safety and being in unsafe relationships.

What are the elements that make up safety in your world?