Old Brain versus New Brain (3)

New Brain

Old Brain:

When I am in new brain and life is good, I find myself exploring life from the position of the spider web versus the fly or the spider! I am the web observing the fly and the spider allowing them to be. Allowing me to staying focused on living the life that is me!

Being present to life from the observer stance while engaged in things that are in line with my values works for me. It keeps me psychologically flexible and really, I

...........

I become ready to believe and say to myself:

This weekend I had to work hard to be present from the observer stance as I got rid of all my clothes that did not fit and tried on new to me ones that did! As I let go of the life I had and am embracing all that is before me there are hoops and brain loops to get through.

I had help. I reached out to receive assistance. My best friend Paula and my sister kept me in psychological safety as I took this journey. When I am not in safety, I become the fly. I feel trapped in my own feedback loops between old and new brain.

I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) It is in remission. However, I am aware of how it can shift if I don't take care of myself. The aftereffects of moving my life forward once again, this time in terms of acknowledging my weight loss on another level leaves me feeling vulnerable and uncertain. As I step forward into a future where I am committed to continue my weight loss journey my battery is....

low

After my peeps left and I was alone I recognized that inside my being I felt drained. Loss and grief are loops ever present in my being. However, another loop that came to the surface was that of shame.

Shame is intense and I must work hard at allowing it to be present and do things that shift that shame. Shame is part of my post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). As I embraced the topic of WW (weight watchers) this week. I am acutely aware of my ever-present shame and the hard work that goes into engaging in celebrating myself.

Shame has me experiencing emotional flooding and deep fatigue. Part of the trauma response I alluded to in last posts . It was in the resource "The 6F's of Trauma Response." At this stage of my healing and life I can allow myself to feel these deep feeling and remain connected to new brain. In the past I would collapse. Part of my being able to do this is I focus on increasing my serotonin, dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin through exercise, friendships, great food, music, and play:

I have been on a very vibrant journey and have used the wish, want, commit continuum as a temperature of where I am on my voyage. I flip flop between the want and commit sometimes on my WW (weight watchers) journey because it is hard work psychologically. As I cycle through this shame spiral, I am more committed than ever to change my life. I am committed to using the 3 c's of curiosity, compassion, and courage to acknowledge I feel vulnerable and more seen as I lose weight. I feel more seen as I voice who I am.

I must work hard to change the filters of my past.

These are tied into my survival maps (see resources).

Some of the way's I change my filters.....

power posing

I text myself each morning being grateful for yesterday and grateful for the day ahead. I have been encouraged to do a brag book. Have not made that a practice, however given this week's topic at WW (weight watchers) it may be time. Time to focus on all the things I did to get through the barriers in front of me that result in outcomes and success of my day.

I often reflect on lessons learned. It is so interesting how shame has played out in my life. How at this stage it is so different than many years ago. I reflect back to 2014....

I was not able to look into a mirror. I had great difficulty tolerating loving my hands alone any other part of my body. I have come a very long way and I am celebrating all of me!

Shame comes from love and a desire to protect. When one is powerless to outside forces, internal ones takes care of us. It is also a statement of I am bad. As a young person this strategy did protect me. I do not need its protection any more.

Shame came from a place of not mattering and learning to tolerate many things that were not tolerable.

When I look in the mirror today, I know I matter! I have clear values and clear boundaries. I imagine riding the spider taking up residence on my web allowing me to keep the shame at bay. I imagine embracing my little fly, holding her utilizing the elements of trust offered through the work of Brenè Brown. Clearing my web and reshaping it in ways that will fulfill my life.

May you be your spider web and shape the life you want!

Resources New:

Brené Brown / The ANATOMY of TRUST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGpm7efVJcA

Survival Maps Inspired Living Medical: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9y7z1KSaEs

Still Face Experiment Dr Edward Tronick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeHcsFqK7So

Getting out of our own way: Wish - Want - Commit Inspired Living Medical: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egBwru0f8lw

Resources from last post:

The three F's: https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/fight-flight-freeze/

The 6F's of Trauma response, article: https://neuroclastic.com/the-6fs-of-trauma-responses/

The Three Main Parts Of Your Brain by Dr. Russ Harris https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CpRY9-MIHA

Old Brain New Brain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBBZRsM3xB0

An Introduction to CFT 2: Old Brain New Brain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fb0DkdCNQ9g

The Flight, Fight, Freeze response https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEHwB1PG_-Q

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: Understanding Your Stress Responses https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OP6SXMr-6_g