MY SUPERPOWERS..........

Psychological Flexibility (part 5)

Putting it all together

This is a picture I took while kayaking on MacElmon's Pond in Lower Onslow, NS. It is one of many pictures of reflection as I journey on the lakes, rivers and oceans of my life.

As I kayaked by this piece of wood reflected in the waters I was drawn to the beauty and the gifts offered when we pause and are present to the moment.

On my walk in the neighbourhood was graced with

this beautiful reflection of the home across the lake.

Today I want to finish up my posts on the ACT HEXAFLEX by reflecting on psychological flexibility and its opposite psychological inflexibility using grief.

There are a lot of moving parts when it comes to psychological flexibility. Lots of options for us to embrace and be willing to live our lives in the best ways possible, following our values. As I close my posts on psychological flexibility, I hope your appetite to learn more has been lit. If so, please google and connect to the many offerings on the Internet.

Grief is showing up in many ways these days:

There is loss of life as in people I know and people of people I know who have died in the last three months. There are also people I know who are currently palliative.

There are moments of knowing loss in the present and loss that relates to the past. It comes up when I am at the place of my birth and faced with not recognizing many people of my past. Seeing holes in the fabric of my life in this world. The pathways in my brain have not seemed to set people in places in a way I can access them.

There are also moments of knowing loss in the future...the loss of my own life. It comes up as I recognize that all of us follow the road from life to death.

There is loss in terms of people I care about being let go from their jobs at Weight Watchers. Those who will no longer be online in my workshops each week.

As I face these losses, I ask myself:

Who am going to be in all these situations,?

What will be my style?

As I navigate grief in this moment I aim to be present to each moment with curiosity. I am taking time to observe what is coming up for me and notice if I am in safety or not. If I am not in safety, I am committed to bring myself back to safety. I work hard to notice if my body is in flight, flight or freeze. I notice if I am in old brain or new brain. I will speak more of this in my next post. I get myself back to safety by using self-care techniques. I generally use self-soothing, hand to chest contact and breathing the combination of 5-7-8 (in for 5 breaths, hold for 7 breaths and out for 8 breaths). Other things that help me are music, enjoying a warm tea, and doing my squats. Having access to my WW peeps online has also been so valuable.

Being in safety allows me to be present to all my emotions and gives me the best opportunity to problem solve and make choices that are in my best interest. Experiencing my feelings, not being my experience is key. Taking the observer stance and noticing. Recognizing how my noticing can allow me the space and grace to continue to live my values. Especially my value of loving both myself and others.

I am willing to stay on my path of living my values amid grief. I have a number of SMART goals (see post: February 2, 2023 SMART Goals) that I am committed to. My current goals fall under sleep, mindset, activity, and food. I am adjusting them some. However, I am not abandoning them. I am adjusting from a place of conscious choice.

While this time of grief is challenging, I am aware how easy it is to get tied up in the weeds. The what ifs. When something comes up like not knowing someone, I imagine zooming out noticing myself as the canvas of my life and that some lines did not make it or have faded on my canvas. I am okay with that because the beauty of my life is an ever-changing process of holding on and letting go.

I am experiencing moments of fusing with experiences of the past and using the opportunity to label or name that I am having trouble with knowing in this moment that I matter. I anchor to my life on the waters of the Cobequid Bay. On those waters I know I matter. From the inside out.

I am on a journey of facing death on a new level of my being. Being present to and accepting this as part of our life journey

Resources on Grief:

Megan Devine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=sASOwrIL5r0

The Grieving process Coping with Death https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=gsYL4PC0hyk

5 Things About Grief No One Really Tells You https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pT6LQ-mZ3k

Tedx Talks

We don't "move on" from grief. We move forward with it | Nora McInerny https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khkJkR-ipfw

The Way We Think About Loss and Grief is Dead Wrong | Julia A. Nicholson | TEDxFolsom https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeM_Whnc8Gs